Below, sex therapists around the country share six rules and helpful guidelines to stay sexually satisfied in a long-time relationship. (When rules are this fun, why would you want to break them?)A WEEKLY GUIDE TO IMPROVING ALL OF THE RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFESubscribe to HuffPost’s relationships emailSuccessfully Subscribed!Realness delivered to your inbox
1. Practice the platinum rule.
“We all know the golden rule: Do unto others as you’d like done unto yourself. But the platinum rule is really where it’s at. Do unto your partner that which they would like done for themselves. Seriously, what are their biggest turn-ons? Commit to doing it at least once each week.”― Megan Fleming, a New York City-based sex therapist and the author of Invisible Divorce: Finding Your Way Back to Connection
2. Don’t compare your sex lives to others.
″‘Rick and Jeff have way more sex than us’ is a big no-no but a really common pitfall that couples fall into. When we begin to compare ourselves to other people, we often find a way to either make ourselves seem better or seem less than. A long-term sexual connection is not about who is doing it the best or who’s having it the most often. Over time, your sexual connection with your partner will change, grow and if you’re open, take you places you never knew you could go. You’ll have moments of extreme highs and pleasurable connectedness, as well as moments of lows, feeling bored and disconnected. Remember: This is normal in a long term sexual relationship.” ― Keeley Rankin, a sex therapist in San Francisco, California
3. Focus on what turns you on about your partner, not the turn-offs.
“When couples come to me to spice up their sex life, I encourage them to be intentional about when they find their partners attractive or sexually appealing. It’s so easy to dwell on the things that turn us off, but we don’t spend enough time focusing on what turns us on. When I pose the question of when they’re turned on by their S.O., they often have a hard time coming up with more than superficial answers. Sometimes, they can’t come up with anything at all. This is because we live in a ‘what have you done for me lately?’ culture. I encourage them to recall what attracted them to their partner in the first place and try to create interactions that are conducive to replicating those feelings.
